Stop hitting yourself. Chief McClelland, we’re serious.
We expect you to step up your game. It takes a lot for us to start feeling sorry for a cop. We can tell from your last press conference that you’re about as enthusiastic about your job as we are when one of the sheriff’s employees hands us an inedible, green bologna sandwich from Adrian Garcia’s little concentration camp downtown. We can tell you’re not even in the game. Your tone and body language give it away. Don’t let us style on you like this.
We made a fool of you when you decided to pretend that serving coffee out a drive-thru window would undo institutional racism.
But seriously, stop hitting yourself. We’re asking you really hard. We feel like we’re bullying one of the most powerful people in town, but in a way that our feels are starting to hurt for you. They pay you lots of money to be better than this. A little group like us makes no money at all, but we’re victory lapping you in a way that makes us almost feel ashamed for making a fool of you every Saturday, and we do it for the lulz instead of your six-digit salary.
Remember that time you complained about people asking for your ID as though it was the same as being the victim of institutional violence like Jordan Baker, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Mike Brown, and every other one of the countless victims of institutional racism? We do, and if one were to guess, so do the victims’ families. They probably all respect your pretend neutrality even less than we do. More people than we can count have died at the hands of the institutional racism you uphold.
Who do you think you’re fooling with your halfhearted charade? The people who own this city? The mayor who is conspicuously silent about publicly weighing in on whether or not black lives matter?
They can see your lack of enthusiasm as much as we can, or perhaps more. Don’t let angry little anarchists like us style on you this hard, because that just makes you look bad. Perhaps what’s more important is that it makes the plantation masters wonder if they should be paying the big bucks to someone more competent than a black version of Bull Connor whose best trick is phone tapping. We’re stylin’ on you and you aren’t even trying to be in the game.
If the equivalent of the Nuremberg Trials happened tomorrow, you’d probably argue you were ‘just following orders’ like Adolf Eichmann. You’d probably play like you didn’t know that groups like the National Black United Front had spent years of blood, sweat, and tears literally begging you to do the right thing. If your bully officers don’t put bullets in our backs before that day, we’ll style on you some more, especially if you ever try to justify your official duties as a defender of oppression. And you’ll probably just keep hitting yourself.
If your picture makes it into the annals of history, what will the caption say? Will it be written by people like us with a sense of irony? Will someone point out the fact that you made no public condemnation of officers who were ordered to turn off their cameras when engaging nonviolent, anti-racist protesters? Will people be able to appreciate the alleged difference between the institutional role that you play and the institutional role the Birmingham Fire Department played when they turned their hoses on nonviolent protesters so many years ago? Or will they remember how you were more loyal to your institutional role than your people? And most important, how will you explain the decisions you make today to future generations?
Your personal army chased some of us around a few weekends ago and we all thought your people would wise up, but they didn’t. Instead, your own people trolled the Galleria and profiled customers, escorting shoppers out of the very company whose profit margins you were paid to protect. We’re stylin’ on you.
That’s right, you got trolled so hard that you fell for the same move twice, and you sent your people in to harass random shoppers at the mall. Your officers danced for us. Who needs protesters to show up when Houston Police can be counted on to act in restraint of commerce? You did our work for us. We don’t even want to know how much you probably cost the management company. We’re stylin’ on you so much that we want to feel sorry for you, but only until we remember that you’re such a coward that you have to pay other people to bring guns to a word fight.
It would be really cool if we could play chess with a more challenging opponent than a pigeon. We know they pay you the big bucks for more than just keeping oppressed people from getting up on the furniture. Step up your game, and stop hitting yourself, because you’re just letting us style on you in a way that makes us feel like we’re bullies, which would be much sadder if you weren’t one of the most powerful people in town.
We’ll be occupying your expensive shopping mall next Saturday and every other Saturday after, and we’ll style on you as long as it takes. Seriously, stop hitting yourself, because our next project is to get you to brag about your SWAT team, helicopters, and other paramilitary bullshit in the middle of the community you oppress.
Stop hitting yourself.
Content posted to MyMPN open blogs is the opinion of the author alone, and should not be attributed to MintPress News.